it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize