and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
