On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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