I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
