I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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