Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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