i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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