Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
