drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
