i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
