Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
