Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
