You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
