I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
