I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
