I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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