U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
