I think I am morally bankrupt
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
