Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
