Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
