She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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