god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
