FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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