You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
