the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
