I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
