There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
