I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
