My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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