Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
