He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
