I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You made out with two different species that night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
