So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
