roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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