Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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