Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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