I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
