I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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