Just fell off a train. Bad.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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