Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
