remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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