I wish I could teleport
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
