Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize