How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
