it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
