But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
