he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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