New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
