I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize