Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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