oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
