I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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