I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
