Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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