all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
