im drinking this country out of the recession.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
