It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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