I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ttyl tear gas
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
