Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
