you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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