I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
