and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This baby is an asshole
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
