new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
