i think my tv is drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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