ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
don't judge my taste in strippers
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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