Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't deserve a penis
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
