Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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