Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Randomize
