i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
