Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize