Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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