if you like me you must not know who I am
She's JV to your varsity
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
