Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
