just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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