I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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