I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
