so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
